Posts tagged blaugh

It’s the question on a million lips:  What the hell is the deal with Lady Gaga?  Seemingly everything about her is an puzzle, from her choice in clothes to her possible penis.  She’s a riddle, wrapped in a Bjork, inside an enigma, but possibly with a penis.  Her unorthodox behaviour may just be the sad logical conclusion of our society’s obsession with fame, where just standing around screaming  “LOOK AT ME!” is an acceptable substitute for talent and experience.  Or maybe it’s something else.  Something else entirely.

I put it to you that Lady Gaga doesn’t actually exist.  It’s all a hoax.  One big lie.

Try and listen to one of her songs, and actually pay attention.  I know it hurts, but try.  Isn’t it obvious that they’re computer-generated amalgams of the novelty dance hits of the last 5 years?  Why is her face always covered in increasingly bizarre shades, masks and…. whatever the hell else?  Because it’s never one person!  There is a pool of Lady Gagas, each with a sufficiently low knowledge of the entire operation so that they can’t expose the whole thing.  It’s a classic terrorist cell.  What’s the deal with the possible penis?  One of them’s a dude!  It all falls into place!

There is no such thing as Lady Gaga.

But why?  Why do it?  There’s a hundred reasons!  There’s nobody to split the profits with, no ego to stroke, no scandals, feuds, or sex tapes except for the ones carefully planned and orchestrated by the cabal.  It’s just like that movie with Al Pacino and the actress who is actually a robot, Oceans 13!

The big question: is she the only one?  Is she a prototype, a look at things to come, or is she just the most obvious non-existant popstar?  Has anyone really seen a Jonas Brother in real life?  Is Avril Lavigne really Canadian, or is that just a convenient excuse for her to never be seen by actual people?  Oh God, what if American Idol is just one big sentient computer program trapping us all in its virtual web of deceipt?!

The truth is out there!  Vive la Resistance! 

There’s no such thing as Lady Gaga!